Happy holidays from the Vultures!

When, exactly?

You're probably thinking by now, dear reader, that the Vultures spend altogether too much time at the urinal. Who knew there were so many examples of photo-worthy bathroom signage? This gem, spotted during jury duty at the Los Angeles County Superior Court, caused me to laugh out loud:


Just the one flush? Per day? Per trial? Unfortunate, in any case!

An underwhelming film is released.

No money left in the budget for complete sentences.



Critic Kenneth Turan calls this "ripped-from-today's-headlines thriller" a "slick excuse for efficient mayhem ... not half as smart as it would like to be." With a movie poster that puts a period after words like "Now they have become the target," we would tend to agree!

Thanks to Hollywood vulture vza for this catch!

Mr. Otis Regrets

Family comes to town. Vulture finds this sign posted in their hotel's elevator:
Vulture is delighted.

It's not the economy, stupid.

Nothing says "My business is a failure" like spray paint signage.
Nothing says "My life is a failure" like getting it wrong.

Coffee's Shop

This one is tough to see. If you squint just so, you'll notice that the fancy glass directory of services at the base of a building in downtown Los Angeles proudly proclaims "Starbuck's Coffee" is a tenant.



I'd sure like to meet Mr. Starbuck. Methinks Starbucks Coffee Company would not approve this signage!

Holy Baat Cave!

We are grateful to vulture Karen for sending in this frightening pair of signs spotted at an all-girls Catholic school in San Diego:




I'm not sure what's worse: multiple signs confirming the blunder, mysterious handwriting apparently incapable of representing the letter "M," or the fact that these are posted at an institution of learning?

Grammar In Peril

I've been invited to an "advanced" screening of Planet In Peril! Is there something that makes this screening better than others? Is it advanced in the same way as those annoying parents think their child is advanced and then try to get them to learn Japanese before they're two?

I've heard of seeing a movie in advance, but an advanced screening...that must be something very special indeed.



At least they got "first come, first served" right.

Fewer Leters

Sacramento vulture Cori sent in this gas station blunder:



It's a wonder they got "assistance" right!

Ain't technology great?

You don't even have to walk to the front of the supermarket anymore. As long as you're not using a gift card, you can complete your transaction right there in the aisle!

Unsafe Vulture

I don't know where poor vulture LizyPo found this unfortunate request...


...but I fear for her safety.

I am reminded of Boston's great fire at the Cocoanut Grove nightclub. From the always-reliable Wikipedia:

"As is common in panic situations, many patrons attempted to exit through the main entrance, the same way they had come in. However, the building's main entrance was a single revolving door, immediately rendered useless as the panicked crowd scrambled for safety. Bodies piled up behind both sides of the revolving door, jamming it to the extent that firefighters had to dismantle it in order to get inside."

I think I'd like to jam this sign's creator into a revolving door and spin it around a few times.

The Very Best Western

While stopping over at a Best Western in Oregon, vulture Noelle captured the following example of outstanding customer service:



"Apparently, there is only ever one guest taken into consideration at the Best Western. " Here's hoping Noelle was that night's lucky guest!

Totoataly wild!

Philadelphia scenester/vulture Carolynn sent in this horrific posting from a local venue:



Wow. Old scholl? Rhmixes? Not altogether surprising, when you consider this blurb from their website: The Khyber is opened upstairs every night of the week and FREE. $1 PBR & $1 High Life every night till 11pm upstairs. Sundays has $10 OPEN BAR.

Au revoir, English language.

Indefatigable

Dear Firewise Communities and Forest Service,

Your ad space (taken from the back pages of this week's Entertainment Weekly) might just be more effective if you didn't make up words!

To What Extent?

At great personal risk, I whipped out my cell phone camera while in the locker room at my gym:



Extented?! Does the word even sound like that, rolling off one's tongue?

Hot Grannies

Who knew the Crate & Barrel catalog was so nasty?



Abuela, when translated from Spanish, means grandma. Do the Crate & Barrel marketing wizards think my granny is a mocha-skinned hottie? Or, worse yet, am I downing a steamy cup of chocolate grandma powder?

Gross!

Thirsty?

Petty ill will or hatred with the disposition to irritate, annoy, or thwart... now with no calories!!

From Kanye West's tour rider. [The Smoking Gun]

For Sale?

NYC vulture Cyndi captured this intriguing use of spacing and punctuation while visiting a shop in the Pacific Northwest:



More contemplating than admonishing, it's no wonder this sign is posted beneath a ponderous chocolate likeness!

I think I'm gonna Ralph.

Hey abc7.com...



...there's no apostrophe in...

... ya morons.

They must be punctuation-happy because the hyphen in "50-Years" is also completely useless. Also, the whole thing reads like a ten year-old's book report.

We are but lowly bloggers. You write for a living. You bring shame to KABC-TV, ABC News, The Walt Disney Company, Kroger, and the late George and Walter Ralphs.

(Furthermore, dear readers, aren't you amazed at how I managed to acquire this article from the future in order to post it here on July 19th?!)

Urination Station

Okay, the glaring error here - as echoed in supermarkets across the country - is "less" rather than "fewer."

The bigger issue, though? It was posted in one of these restaurants above a urinal in the men's room. Gross!

Fur Sail

I'll teke mi bisniss alswere, thenks.

Paris or Burbank?

Milles, we're told, means thousand in French. This lube center in Burbank must offer countless service options!

Puppy Seeds

This gem was sent in by Jeff who says, "Puppy seeds? Is THAT how they grow new puppies?" A good question indeed. Not much more need be said about it, but I am left wondering why the capitalization went all wonky in "CHeEsE."

Nina's Grocerie's Store's

What is it about apostrophes? Correct usage of the little buggers manages to elude what seems like a majority of English speaking people.



Let's face it - this sign (spotted in Philadelphia by Liza) has a lot working against it: a horribly unnecessary apostrophe, a street address that's nearly falling off, and who knows what further infringement is hiding behind the slapped-on "sundries"?!

Do You Suppose They Wear Tutus?

This entry may be a tad unfair seeing as how the photo was taken in Mexico and we must therefore assume that this sign's creater was writing in a language other than his own, but it's just too good to resist:

BALLET PARKING! Can you imagine all of the macho Mexican "ballet" attendants in tutus and pink satin slippers pirouetting as they hand you your keys? Classic!

Sorry about the blurry photo but our intrepid photographer Aleks just couldn't pass up this perfect Vulture. And I couldn't pass up posting it.

The Department of Redundancy Department, Part 2

I take issue with this notice to the kind folks of West Hollywood for several reasons:

• Does every sentence have to be its own paragraph?


• Would it kill them to use some periods?


• Why does this need to be centered?

My biggest problem, however, is the sentence "We will begin starting at 8:00 AM". When will they begin ending?

Many thanks to Jeff for sending this one in.

Fountains of Redundancy

Our dear Steven sent in this clipping from his hometown.



While the article's title is not grammatically incorrect, Steven wonders whether next week's feature might be headed "Roses As Fragrant As They Smell"?

Clothing Optional, Pet Required

From dear LizyPo: "Michael photographed this in Ohio. We had shirts, shoes, and pets, so we got service. There were a lot of pet-less people chillin' outside though. It's as if it was written by two different people; one person thinks they're writing a list of what is required for entry, the other what is prohibited inside. Stupid Ohio."

Hand-Pressing Health Torch

This mother-of-all-language-infractions was brought to our attention by Nick. You really must examine the photo (click to enjoy a higher resolution version) and once you've swept the tears of Vulture joy from your eyes, be sure to check out Nick's entertaining digest!




Although the Hand-Pressing Flash Light was made with “high and new science” the package copy was clearly written while high. Where to begin? The name of the product is all wrong, making the object the actor and imbuing it with political campaigning skills. I’ll let the claim of being without a bulb – or stridently anti-bulb – off on a technicality (fine, they’re diodes). These are minor quibbles, “charcteristics” of sloppiness and nothing more. It’s in the product description where we witness the Engrish equivalent of a foggy day on the Autobahn. Buckle up.

Despite the near-black arts that were employed in its development, the thing won’t light up unless you dance, dammit, dance! Or place it inside the dancing, I suppose. Once this bulb-less wonder is up and running you can count on it not only operating quietly (unlike all those other, noisy flashlights!) but also being low in health. It is, however, high in charisma. And, please, don’t call it a common “torch.” Sure, they can “be” just like anything else. But can they do it several times? On lift?? I didn’t think so.

Finally, please direct your attention to the third and probably most important point. I think we’ve already established that this is no ordinary flashlight. In fact, it’s so extraordinary that it’s not even a “flashlight” – it’s a FLASH LIGHT. Isn’t that enough for you? You demand more from your hand-pressing devices? I’ve got two words for you: health torch. This thing will not only press your palm but it will stretch that puppy too. And your arm. Screw it – it’ll even stretch your shoulder. FLASH LIGHT will crawl inside your f*cking veins, dude. Then, even though your arm is all Plastic Man, you’ll go numb and your mind will open up and you’ll totally understand the universe. Break down the doors of perception, man! Wait, now this packaging makes perfect sense…

Silicon Valley CEO Summit - 5/31/07

Thannks, Nickk.

Liturucee iz gud

Apostrophes

When in doubt, leave them out?!

Whose Crackers?

Who is Graham? And does he mind his crackers being sold sans apostrophe?



To the employee's credit, the product is packaged as "Chocolate Covered Grahams," but they still missed the boat on the handwritten sign.

Retracted Vulture

Thanks to reader Alicia for putting me in my place. My ignorance of Hawaiian food and culture caused me to misread and misinterpret an item on the menu of a Kahului airport eatery.

Bad Vulture!!

Safe Sects

If Jesus were real, wouldn't He have blessed you with the ability to spell, Pastor KmcDonald?

Good Chistians always welcome here.

Proper Hygiene Is Encouraged

There's nothing explicitly wrong with this sign, but there's nothing right about it either.

Gay Bar + Pool Table = Disaster

Thanks to Nile for another winner!

I Don't Care How Cheap It Is...

I'll buy my petroleum somewhere else, you chowderheads.

Cripes, even a beauty school drop-out could have gotten that one right.

Thanks to Karen for the submission!

Help Wanted

Mikel said it best when he sent this one in: "Really, if you are going to advertise for a 'chief editor,' shouldn't you be able to spell yourself...? Or maybe spelling is something the 'chif editor' should be able to do, as opposed to the job poster. It's all so confusing!"

We couldn't agree more.

Thanks to Mikel for sending this in.

We Is Closed

What's more alarming: the wording of this sign, or the fact that both Target and Best Buy are closed? Just where is one expected to shop? Who is to blame for this travesty? A quick glance at the date on the e-mail from SupaSteve gives the culprit away: Jesus.

I don't know about you, but if I get the hankering for some good, old-fashioned, all-American consumerism, I don't want to go to the huge corporate megamall only to find out that the place is closed for Easter.


Thanks to Steve for sending this one in.

What is it with gas stations? II

I, for one, am inconvinaced. Thanks to Nile for sending this one in!

Jesus wept

I'm fairly certain "He" would appreciate a properly spelled tribute:



This is a two-sided sign - why should only eastbound traffic be saved? - and the message is paradoxically spelled correctly on the opposite side.

No wait!

West Hollywood vulture Glenn sent in this train wreck of an advertisement:



With any luck, their fliers are "not lasting forever" either! Just look at those models!

Mirror, mirror...

Who's the most illiterate of them all?



Signage like this is not good for my blood pressure. What a wreck! And this isn't in the ghetto, either - this shop is on the border of Beverly Hills and West Hollywood. One presumes it services some fairly fancy pups and pusses!

Let's break it down: if you insist on stealing from "Snow White" (I hear Disney lawyers calling), don't leave out "on the wall." Without it, nothing's left to rhyme with "of them all." And that's "them all," not "the all." Then there's the response: "who has service." Is it a question? Or an exclamation? All breeds of cats, but only one kind of dog?

Nightmare.

World Jim

So I'm in the locker room at my gym after work, preparing for my hour of torture, when I happen to glance at the following notice pasted inside an open locker door:



Item #1 starts us off without incident.
Item #2, however, starts to look fishy. I'm supposed to find the manager's assistance and then ask it a question? Is there a map?
Item #3 doesn't know whether it's coming or going.
And finally, item #5 has some sort of demands "arising" out of me?

Good thing this guy didn't author my membership agreement!

Sweet and Starchy

If you were king (or queen) of multi-national coffee empire Starbucks, would you settle for an "old fashion" doughnut in the otherwise tidy display case?



No, you would not. You'd probably proceed directly to the nearest mom-and-pop doughnut hut and throw down $0.89 for an old-fashioned ball of starch and sugar. That'd be tasty!