Monday, March 26, 2007

Mirror, mirror...

Who's the most illiterate of them all?

Signage like this is not good for my blood pressure. What a wreck! And this isn't in the ghetto, either - this shop is on the border of Beverly Hills and West Hollywood. One presumes it services some fairly fancy pups and pusses!

Let's break it down: if you insist on stealing from "Snow White" (I hear Disney lawyers calling), don't leave out "on the wall." Without it, nothing's left to rhyme with "of them all." And that's "them all," not "the all." Then there's the response: "who has service." Is it a question? Or an exclamation? All breeds of cats, but only one kind of dog?


Thursday, March 22, 2007

World Jim

So I'm in the locker room at my gym after work, preparing for my hour of torture, when I happen to glance at the following notice pasted inside an open locker door:

Item #1 starts us off without incident.
Item #2, however, starts to look fishy. I'm supposed to find the manager's assistance and then ask it a question? Is there a map?
Item #3 doesn't know whether it's coming or going.
And finally, item #5 has some sort of demands "arising" out of me?

Good thing this guy didn't author my membership agreement!

Sweet and Starchy

If you were king (or queen) of multi-national coffee empire Starbucks, would you settle for an "old fashion" doughnut in the otherwise tidy display case?

No, you would not. You'd probably proceed directly to the nearest mom-and-pop doughnut hut and throw down $0.89 for an old-fashioned ball of starch and sugar. That'd be tasty!

Sometimes it's just too easy...

These photos were taken within about five minutes of each other on a strip of Hollywood Blvd that is either Little Armenia or Little Thailand (I can't really tell). Either way, the signage in the area is lacking:

This sign really made me wish I had a red marker with me. It's almost like a practice in minimalism the way he/she refused to use other words to string sentences together. Maybe the writer fancies himself a beat poet. "Dress. Impress. Sexy. (Green.) Yeah, heavy baby." Or perhaps the person who wrote it is very old and used to work in a telegram office.

You're welcome - really, I should be thanking you because the Coldstone was so good - but would it kill you to use some punctuation? The way the type is set on this poster makes absolutely no sense to me. It just doesn't flow well at all.

If they're opened until 4AM, are they close afterward? Also, I've heard of a grand re-opening but what the hell is a re-grand opening?


Dear Billboard,

Please learn to spell my name correctly. I think we both know what I'm capable of when a journalist pisses me off. You don't want to piss me off, do you?



We Do Alternations

Somehow, I don't think this is what the dry cleaners had in mind when they had their window sign made.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Special affects

These notices were posted in no fewer than six locations around the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf store I popped into the other day:

Nobody wants to drink an effected latte.

Two points to the Toluca Lake employees for not inserting an "x" in espresso, though - that would surely prompt a letter to Corporate from the vultures!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

It don't work.

Not unlike your command of the English language, this machine is not functional.

Thanks again to Nick for sending this in!

Participation is Mandatory

How much do you suppose a full page ad in last week's Oscar wrap-up edition of Entertainment Weekly goes for?

I wonder if those "particpating" music retailers are pissed off?

Thanks to my office's most vigilant vulture Glenn for this contribution! Check out his weekly blog - always entertaining!

Saturday, March 10, 2007


"Excuse me. Do I have something in my teeth? No? How about all over my face?"

Friday, March 9, 2007

Something Newt

Friday, March 9, 2007 - The day I realized that I've spent my entire life pronouncing "run" incorrectly.


Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Wholly Sold

So.... not partially sold?

Thanks to our central valley vultures Laura and Max for this contribution!

Saturday, March 3, 2007

Ding dong!

Yeah, I don't know what's happening here either. Snapped at a North Hollywood eatery:

I'm not sure why you'd pay for a sign that breaks "including" into two words.

Friday, March 2, 2007

The Price Is Right...

...but the punctuation isn't:

The shirt says, "Critical Care Nurses [heart]'s Beat for Bob." Just a tip: if you're going to be on national television, critical care should be taken to ensure your shirt doesn't have two (two!) punctuation errors on it.

Thanks to Jeremy for sending this in.